I felt it you know
by Avenged Suffering
Summary: A GojyoHakkai fic.. Gojyo is confused.. He'd felt it that night.. did Hakkai feel the same? R&R please.


**Disclaimer :** I don't own Saiyuki! I don't even own the DVDs.. Because some git still hasn't sent them to me off ebay cries I'd like to own Tenpou and Hakkai though.. And Kenren and Gojyo.. Uhh.. No suing because I say so.

**Warnings :** A bit of language.. Shounen ai GojyoxHakkai, 58 One shotness probably

**'I felt it you know..'**

**By Avenged Suffering aka Ellegunis**

Sha Gojyo sat quietly on the porch of this new inn. It wasn't unusual for him, he didn't know the exact time and he didn't care. He still wore the slippers that were reserved for walking inside, purposely placing them against the dusty floor. What did he care if he trudged in a little dirt? they'd be gone in the morning. He lifted his cigarette, staring at the reddened end for a mere moment before he noticed it's dull light beginning to fade. He placed it against his lips and breathed in deeply. The small fire flaring back to life.

He closed his eyes as he felt the smoke travel down his throat, into his lungs, a small burn felt there before he let it out slowly, some of the day's stresses leaving him with it. He'd done it again. He'd killed more youkai.. He didn't feel too bad, after all it was either him or them and he couldn't be assed dying today. But to think of all the people they had killed so far.. He'd seen what Chin Yiisou had done to Hakkai, because of the thousand youkai Gonou had killed. And that was just one family member.. Imagine all the family members they could have after them after the minus wave was dispelled.

He was sure the others thought of it as well.. They were killing people.. Not just some random demons.. People who had families.. Just because they were currently insane, it didn't take those families away from them did it? "Ch.." he said to himself to stop him thinking about it any longer before he took another breath of nicotine. The night was quiet, cloudy, but not threatening rain, which was good. He couldn't find the energy to go through another night of watching Hakkai and the monk watch the rain. As always they would leave him and the saru for their pasts, seemingly forgetting about their presents and their futures.

He didn't hear the person approaching, he only felt him there, something that was beginning to worry the half breed greatly, especially after that particular conversation they had had before he even knew Gonou's name. "Could I have a try..?" Hakkai's soft voice reached him through the night. Crimson eyes looked around, spotting Hakkai's shoes first. He had put them back on to walk the whole three feet to Gojyo, summed Hakkai up nicely that didn't it? He smiled to himself before lifting his gaze to Hakkai's face, the ever-present smile on his lips. "What?" he asked.

Hakkai sat down next to his best friend and reached for the lit cigarette, plucking it from Gojyo's shocked grasp with ease. "Can I have a try?" The red head went to snatch it back but Hakkai held it out of arms reach. "Would you give it back if I said no?" Gojyo said.. Hakkai shrugged his emerald eyes easily catching Gojyo's blood ones. "Ch.. Whatever.. But just one drag okay?" Hakkai smiled at his friend's words and then brought the stick to his mouth, breathing in the smoke, tar, nicotine and holding it for a few seconds, his eyes closing briefly before he breathed it back out. "Thank you.." he said politely, passing the cigarette back.

Gojyo allowed the 'cancer stick' to be placed back in his hand but his eyes never left his friend. Hakkai didn't even cough.. Hell smoking looked natural on him, he'd be the kind of guy banned from advertising them as they looked so damn good on him. "How long have you been smoking?" he asked his green eyed companion. Hakkai glanced at him. "I don't.. that was my first time.." Gojyo blinked. "Why is something wrong Gojyo-san?" Gojyo blinked again. "I thought I told you to quit it with that '-san' shit.. It's Gojyo.." Hakkai smiled, he knew that would get his friend's mind back on track.

"It just looked like you've smoked before.." Gojyo stated, staring at the man… youkai. It was easy to forget that his companion was just like those they fought every day. Hakkai shook his head "Not much opportunity to take up the habit until now." it was true, Gonou had grew up in an orphanage, full of devout nuns.. Then had taken up a job teaching young children. Smoking never really crossed his mind. Of course his best friend didn't know about most of his past, but according to Gojyo none of it mattered anyway. Gonou was dead. His life didn't matter.. It was Hakkai who was alive.. Hakkai who should get the attention of his thoughts. But it was never that easy.

What he had done that night was still fresh in his mind, the fresh blood still covered his hands that were once called beautiful. He even remembered his thoughts of that night.. How they all bled the same, and the detachment he felt towards it. Human after human… youkai after youkai. They all bled the same.. The same monotonous crimson liquid.. The same monotonous smell. They all died, all powerless to his rage… He didn't understand how youkai were so feared.. He had killed a thousand with them with ease.. A thousand. They all died, some cursed, some screamed, some lasted longer than others but they all died. The only thing he could think of was that he didn't feel anything when he killed them all.. He didn't regret it at the time.. But he also didn't enjoy it.. That meant something right?

They all fell because he needed to reach her.. Kanan.. The woman he loved, but never protected. Even after he had slain over a thousand to reach her.. He still couldn't save her. He always wondered whether he was meant to go there. If she didn't have his knife.. She couldn't have slit her own throat. He would've been miserable all the same.. So would've she had been. But she would've been alive.. Unlike now.. Even her blood stained his hands, filled his nostrils, filled his tears. You're meant to be able to feel when the one you love is in danger right? How come he didn't feel her pain..?

Hakkai had that look again.. His smile was still there, but his eyes were distant, it may as well had been raining. 'You're meant to be able to feel when the one you love is in danger..' Gojyo remembered Gonou's words, before he even knew Gonou's name they had shared that conversation.. But what really got to him was that he did feel it.. And he was sure that Hakkai felt it too. He had felt something that night when Sanzo and Goku had come for the green eyed youkai. It was just a feeling until they had found Gonou, being attacked, trying to rip out his own eye.

He realised then that -that- was what he had felt. He had felt Gonou in danger.. It had hit him like the proverbial ton of bricks.. He had felt when Gonou was in danger. His best friend without a name, the one he had spent the last month or so living with. The one he had watched sleep for a whole week, the one he had abstained from smoking for, for that week. And he didn't even know his name. Was it possible that the then Gonou and the present Hakkai was the one he loved? True, Hakkai was beautiful he had said so himself when those women had asked why he had cut his hair and whether he had found another woman. Hell that day he even indirectly admitted that the damn saru and monk were also attractive in their own ways.

He knew, well hoped Hakkai felt the same. There had been more than one occasion when Gojyo had been in the shit.. A youkai group had attacked him on the way home.. Not particularly late.. He wouldn't have been expected home for a while yet but he had already cleaned out the guys at cards, had a good few drinks and flirted with some of the fairer sex, what else could he do but go home? Taking on a group of Youkai, alone, while -slightly- inebriated was not a good plan. He was quite predictably in trouble, he remembered the taste of his tainted blood in his mouth, the feel of his skin ripping by an all too sharp blade. He felt the impact of a punch to the stomach, his intestines and stomach curling inside him making him feel nauseous.

He remembered the cold feel of a blade being held to his throat before they were all gone in two flashes of light.. And the third, green in colour, healed his wounds. Hakkai had stood above him worried, the energy sapping from him to make sure his best friend was okay. "How did you find me?" Gojyo murmured, rubbing a previously aching jaw. "Unusual large aura.." Hakkai had explained. As was always the case when he came to someone's rescue. But was that really it? Did Hakkai feel it, like he once had? Hakkai probably would never tell him, it was just the way the green eyed youkai was. Was it possible that the amiable man that he had stumbled upon over three years ago was his love..? Or was he mistaken…?

He 'ch'd himself again and lit up another cig.. The other one long forgotten. "You should stop smiling when you're upset.. People might think you're insane." he said, staring at his cigarette but his words were definitely pointed towards Hakkai. Hakkai snapped out of his little reverie to look at Gojyo and then to look at his short lifeline.. He had died once already.. When was this life going to end? "Anou.. Gojyo you must be mistaken.. I am fine.." he said, that infuriating smile still on his features. "Don't bullshit me you bastard.. I know when you're hurting.. So just quit acting so happy. All you're doing is hurting us both.."

Yet again the silence reigned.. It was uncomfortable.. Gojyo knew it was because he had finally admitted to Hakkai that his masks were useless against him and this made Hakkai uncomfortable. They had both known that Gojyo could see through him and vice versa.. But to hear it.. To have it finally said.. That rattled them both. "I'm sorry.." Hakkai said, after a few more moments of silence. Gojyo shook his head and stood, stubbing out his cigarette on one of the wooden posts around him.

His movements indicated anger.. But it was anger that had no direction.. No focus. Finally Gojyo decided to speak up. "I felt it you know.." he said, slipper clad feet walking back towards the door. Hakkai looked up at him, eyes questioning. "Felt what Gojyo?" he asked, that smile weakened.

"…When you were in danger.."

And with that the half breed wandered back inside, leaving Hakkai to consider his words.

**------**

So yeah.. First Saiyuki fic.. GojyoxHakkai/HakkaixGojyo is funnily enough my favourite pairing.. Like my one and only BeyBlade fic shudders but is still very grateful for all the wonderful feedback she received This will probably be a one shot.. Unless people would like to see Hakkai's reaction.. And other possibilities..

Uhh.. Review anyway please..

Might see you again..

Tatty Bye Bye.


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